I am so tired being trapped within.

A1s, being so cold to you ....

I am heavily pinned, with such a great family history, I must definitely do it.

No choice, I have to make it true.

I have no back-ups, I just have to keep moving on, on the right track.

What I can only do is to hope for the best.

I really can't make it to be the man.

For many many things, I have to consider, reconsider and ponder over ponder.

Why must it be me, why am I the one getting the shit.

I really not know what to do.

I just hope for a chance.

It's just so difficult to find one.

皇天不负苦心人

So many times I tried, I am always disappointed without fail.

I can't even handle the dish on my hand well, with what do i have to handle another.

I am sorry if I let you down, but that's what I am facing, I don't want people to get dragged in.

Why wanna eat potato when you have abalone to enjoy.

Forget me I am not worthy.

My heart aches helplessly,

in the mist of loss,

I struggled my way out just to find a way,

I am brutally wounded with expectations,

I am in need of aid but,

the aid apparently is just to hurt me more.

ouch...

I am so frustrated with what's happening currently.

My hotmail account is not working.

All I want is to view my mails and do all the necessary forwards.

It just refuse to obey.

Refresh after refresh, alt F5 after alt F5.

None of them helped.

I guess I've to turn other alternative,

and true, I went on to Gmail.

Hopefully that's not another hotmail or whatever.

okay.

the time have come,

I just feel so lousy and useless.

you tell me nothing, make me think that actually you are fine, in actual fact you a not.

what do people look me as.

i don't know.

Hidden feelings bottomed up my heart.

I just couldn't express them in words, it just filled my mouth.

I can't decicde. I do not know.

Some....

If I have got the chance...

That comes round my mind this few days,

if i have got the chance,

I would want to have a switch in post.

I don't want to become any big shots or whatever.

I just wanna be a small training com member or IC.

I will want to train my cadets into a batch of cadets that will outshine every single UG.

Even the ****.

I will definitely be happy when I see my cadets grow and excel.

I want to get scolding together will them, joke with them, and do everything stupid with them.

I will make sure the chairperson will not be worry over the standards of my cadets.

I will teach them new drills.

I will put into a lot of effort to organise training, extra trainings, know what I wanna teach them.

I will make a good batch of CLs. I will I will I will...

I want my cadets to bad mouth about me and at the end of the day, they will realise that I did all the things all because of them.

I want to stay back after school, do drills with my cadets like how I used to with my seniors.

I will make sure they pass all their test and whatever,

I will make those slackers come for parade.

I will teach them phrase like "wake up your bloody idea / shag right !"

I will want my cadets to hug around me and cry on the day of POP because I am their IC or leader.

I want cadets to come to me and tell me I have done a good job.

I want to smile inside as I spend the last moment in NPCC.

I want, I wish, I will, so much things to expect but yet so far away.

So far so far away. It's like telling you something impossible just to make you happy.

But no regrets, shout will honour, salute with pride.

A dream, A training IC.

I realize I am very particular about feeling.
How surrounding treats me and how I treat the surrounding.
I am a easy come easy go person but what about the others ?
You can be commanding them with your bossy tone or what you called strict tone,
and the next thing you know, they would come running to me, this and that.
By the way, you haven't done a good job, this is a hurtful truth that I forgo.

I sat down with a sense of lose of hesitation, whether to head back home or root myself at the stop
I replied CL's question with reluctant, but I am not waiting for the short one.
Wait, pray, played and did nothing.
The foot steps of passer-by that results in the splashing sound of the paddle on the ground,
indicated the time and how I wanted you to appear.
I gazed into the sky, with silence, reflecting.
The raindrops seemed to tell me something, something I have done wrong.
Okay then this group of people just suddenly surround the stop.