I got no idea what's going on with me.
I am just not myself after everything.
I am not performing and doing what I am supposed to.
I am getting very short tempered these days.
I flare up so easily.
Maybe it's because of the things that happened recently.
I screw up my 2nd round interview.
I went into the room, everything seemed so stern,
I couldn't express my thoughts well,
I went speechless when those questions struck me.
I am just so afraid I don't get the scholarship.
Because I just can't afford to give it a miss.
I need it really badly, given my current situation.
I suck at handling my friends.
I didn't mean to make you guys unhappy or pissed off.
I am sorry.
I need you. Can you hear me ? Jaymann can you hear me?

When I saw the status, I actually had the urge to click the "like" button.
Disclaimer : I didn't stalk, I saw it on news feed.
Then I thought again, sigh
So I have decided to answer them myself.

1. We meet during CIBTC 10, during flash's first atc meeting. Outside HTA auditorium.
2. Around 5 months ago.
3. Darn arrogant and hard core.
4. I like the fact that you are caring, that you are always there for me, that you are always so pleasant to be with. You will always make my day.
5.Having meals at that pondok. You gave me that "green apple" tissue cause I dirtied myself. I accidentally insulted you and you got so "angered" that you don't wanna talk to me for the whole day. The time when I told you if the guys don't draw the rations, it will kill our ego, esp mine. The time I taught you how to teleport. The time we prepared for campfire which was the first and only time I looked you into your beautiful eyes for so so long. The time we sat beside each other and started talking when we were not supposed to. The time when I try to get your number from you. The time we chat on facebook. The time we chat over the phone. The time you stayed up for me cause I was sick. The time we sat down during special parade breaks to chat. The time I told you about my dreams. The time we drilled together. The time we work on the admin list in HTA. The time we sat in the pitch dark bus-stop for the bus. The many many times which might seem peanuts to you, is a whole lot to me.
6.Back to December
7. 100%

I am totally speechless, seriously.

I shook my head.

You know something,

when someone decides to walk out of your life.

It time for you to start feeling empty.

I am so disheartened and disappointed,
when I came across this line online.
"I love you, but you’re just not worth my tears anymore."
I don't know whoever the writer was referring to.
But I thought it's a little no link.
If the person he/she's referring is not worth his/her tears,
then it's kinda of obvious that you don't have any feelings for that person already.
Why words must in the way they are, then ?
-
Yes I am not worth it, yes in all, yes.
Why did you actually tell me that you do initially.
When the roots are deep, then you are telling me this.
You should have told me so, when I have done something wrong.
I suppose I have been punished enough for my fault.
-
I gazed at the stars and wonder if we were staring at the same one at the same time
for the same reason.
I REALISE THAT I AM SO ABSOLUTELY WRONG.

I actually thought you will hold me back.
But it's quite clear that I have to leave and go.
I have got the message, I don't know how I got it though.
I will not pester you anymore, I will disappear.
Will most probably divert all my energy to studies and make sure I make a mark.
When you happen to see me on any headlines years down the road,
do remember to tell your children,
"Mummy once did drills beside this uncle, he's one of a kind!"

I hope I could annoy you once again.
But there isn't anymore chance.
-
How do I tell you, I have changed, because of you.
How do I tell you, you the only.
How do i tell you, I do cry as much as you do.
How do I tell you, your words, do trigger my tears.
How do I tell you, I filled with remorse and regrets.
How do I ? I really don't know.
-
Just tell me to leave your life and I will.
Just tell me you have had enough and I will stop.
Just tell me you don't love me anymore...

我写了很多东西，
可是，我却决定把它们都删了。
我不知道写那些东西有什么意义。
-
我觉得自己变得跟小心了，尤其是在说话的时候。
我非常在乎你怎么看我，并不想在你眼里的我，比以往跟糟。
-
有人说，我变得不怎么爱和他人互动了。
部分的原因是因为你。
我会想很多，都是有关你的。
也不知道为什么那么神经兮兮的。
-
我最不能忍受失去我说爱的人，
尤其还是我自己亲手放弃她的。
就因如此，到现在我还十分的自责。
我也很不甘心，
这段恋情，会有这样的结果。
就因为我一时的做错决定？
-
也许我就是那种不能给别人安全感的人吧。
我也认了，我们俩的感情并不坚固。
所以容易瓦解。
我也认了，我并不是你的男人。
希望你能证实我这错误的想法。
-
如果说这世上能有什么东西能交换，
我愿以我的伤心难过，换你幸福快乐。
-
不管是有一天你是死还是我死。
我最后想对你说的是，
我的心一直跟随着你，我并没停止爱你。

I went to Senja for nothing,
but because I couldn't stand it further,
I miss you dearly,
so I followed my heart, and went ahead.
Indirectly rejected.
You know why I ended the conversation,
cause it feels better to not be ignored.
It's also not to waste your texts.
If I could have a heart to heart with you.

:)
I got no idea how should I react or behave.

I need a hug, from someone, especially.

I had a chat with someone close yet far.
She seemed pretty cheerful, or rather over-cheerful.
to the extent that I suspect it might be acted out.
At those moment in time, I felt as though I was reliving moments of my life.
I actually smiled and was happy for once in such a long period of time since the year kicked start.
I knew that was not gonna be lasting.
You made realise something, I weren't forgotten.
That nick name was so unique to you,
we re friends, but I still miss you particularly much.

Came across this real good question while I was face-booking.
I sat down and really gave good thought to this question.
Unfortunately I couldn't make up my mind.
I thought I will do this.
" I will first text her.
xxxxxnn find someone great, can't love you enough this life,
going somewhere far, miss ya.
Then my family. Record it down on my laptop's recorder.
Love you guys so so much, have to go, do take care. "
I will be good at wherever I am